by Linda L. Scisson

He Himself [Jesus Christ] has said, “I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake You” (Heb. 13:5b NASB).

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted; forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you (Eph. 4:31-32 NASB).

These were two scriptures shared by Ann Parkinson, who spoke on “Loving Difficult People in Our Lives,” at Alive After 5, on Tuesday evening, February 16, 2010, in The Warehouse — complemented with door prizes and refreshments on red and white tablecloths, crowned with heart-shaped centerpieces. Alive After 5 is a monthly outreach of Women’s Ministries of Fellowship Bible Church (Little Rock, Arkansas).

As I reflected on Ann’s thoughtful remarks, as well as my personal experiences and selected scriptures, here are highlights on “Loving Difficult People in our Lives.”

1. Clarify the relationship, because different beliefs or different expectations tend to divide, whereas shared beliefs or shared expectations tend to unite.
2. Open and honest communication is paramount in resolving conflicts and in being able to love difficult people, including, at times, ourselves.
3. Clarifying questions show wisdom, such as: “I’m getting mixed signals, here. Could you please tell me what you meant when you said . . . .?”
4. Like the physical death of a loved one can propel us into grief, there can be the “death” of a relationship that has the same effect: grief.
5. The five stages of grief are: Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, and Acceptance.
6. There can be a resurrection, or restoration, of a broken relationship, that can propel us into joy, or what the Bible calls: abundant living (John 10:10b)
7. Regardless of whether or not a relationship is restored during our earthly lives, the primary question to consider in anyone’s life is: “Do they know Jesus Christ as their Savior and Lord?”
8. A qualified, third-party counselor — or wise, mutual friend — can bring understanding to help resolve a conflict between two people.
9. Tears can communicate a source of deep pain (or deep joy).
10. One action that indicates a person has not forgiven: She keeps talking about the person who committed the (real or perceived) trespass against her.
11. Bitterness is something we do not want in our lives.
12. One’s facial expressions — often magnified, or more pronounced, with age — can reveal one’s state of mind. Acceptance and bitterness look quite differently on one’s face.
13. We don’t get to pick the trials we go through.
14. We can either accept or fight the trials we face.
15. Inward-focused prayer is usually ineffective, such as: “Please, Lord, bring this matter to resolution; so I will feel better about it.”
16. Outward-focused prayer is more effective: “Please, Lord, help [this person] to be the person that You created them to be. May they not miss out on anything good that You, Father God, would have for them.”
17. Another effective prayer is: “God, change me. Show me where I need to change my attitude and behavior.”
18. If a person takes what is spoken (by another person) out of context: concocting a new, different scenario — which the Bible calls “a vain imagination” (2 Cor. 10:5) — a conflict is around the corner.
19. Careful listening is necessary in healthy communication.
20. By God’s grace (His goodness), in God’s timing, and through God’s ways, a difficult person can become a pleasant person.�
21. Different is not necessarily wrong; it is different.
22. You’ll never lose by loving people: in the manner of 1Corinthians 13.

One book that Ann recommended was Parenting Your Adult Child by Ross Campbell, M.D. and Gary Chapman, which is for sale in the Cross Reference Bookstore.

One article referenced was “One Flaw in Women” as seen below. Several examples of a woman’s strength were recited from this article (authorship unknown), as was the “one flaw in women”: “they forget their worth.”

By the time the Lord made woman, he was into his sixth day of working overtime. An angel appeared and said, “Why are you spending so much time on this one?”

And the Lord answered, “Have you seen my spec sheet on her? She has to be completely washable, but not plastic, have over 200 movable parts, all replaceable and able to run on diet coke and leftovers, have a lap that can hold four children at one time, have a kiss that can cure anything from a scraped knee to a broken heart -and she will do everything with only two hands.”

The angel was astounded at the requirements. “Only two hands!? No way! And that’s just on the standard model? That ’s too much work for one day. Wait until tomorrow to finish.

“But I won’t,” the Lord protested. “I am so close to finishing this creation that is so close to my own heart. She already heals herself when she is sick AND can work 18 hour days.”

The angel moved closer and touched the woman. “But you have made her so soft, Lord.”

“She is soft,” the Lord agreed, “but I have also made her tough. You have no idea what she can endure or accomplish.”

“Will she be able to think?”, asked the angel.

The Lord replied, “Not only will she be able to think, she will be able to reason and negotiate.”

The angel then noticed something, and reaching out, touched the woman’s cheek. “Oops, it looks like you have a leak in this model. I told you that you were trying to put too much into this one.”

“That’s not a leak,” the Lord corrected, ” that’s a tear!”

“What’s the tear for?” the angel asked.

The Lord said, “The tear is her way of expressing her joy, her sorrow, her pain, her disappointment, her love, her loneliness, her grief, and her pride.”

The angel was impressed. “You are a genius, Lord. You thought of everything! Woman is truly amazing.”

And she is!

Women have strengths that amaze men.

They bear hardships and they carry burdens, but they hold happiness, love and joy. They smile when they want to scream.

They sing when they want to cry.

They cry when they are happy and laugh when they are nervous.

They fight for what they believe in.

They stand up to injustice.

They don’t take “no” for an answer when they believe there is a better solution. They go without so their family can have.

They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.

They love unconditionally.

They cry when their children excel and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about a birth or a wedding.

Their hearts break when a friend dies.

They grieve at the loss of a family member, yet they are strong when they think there is no strength left.

They know that a hug and a kiss can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.They’ll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you to show how much they care about you. The heart of a woman is what makes the world keep turning. They bring joy, hope and love. They have compassion and ideals. They give moral support to their family and friends.Women have vital things to say and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,

IT IS THAT THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Women’s Ministries recognize it is to women’s advantage to hear reminders of our worth and other matters concerning our faith. On February 16, Ann Parkinson, wife of Bill Parkinson (long-time teaching pastor at FBC), reinforced a key principle: As we know our true worth as followers of Jesus Christ and partakers of “the divine nature” (2 Pet. 1:4 NASB), and then work that out in practical ways (backed with the promises of God), we are granted a super-natural power to be able to love the difficult people in our lives.